What Amazingly Effective Parenting!

Wow, Bruce's Mom, it sure is good that you called me last night. I am so glad that there are parents out there like you who know how to bitch out their kid's teacher and then hang up on her.

I'm just as angry and confounded as you that Bruce would get in trouble. I have NO IDEA where he would learn such reactionary, inappropriate and immature behavior. I am overwhelmed by befuddlement as to why he would think to respond to a minor situation by shouting and using profanity.

Even more important, by cussing me out, you have definately paved the way for Bruce to succeed in Math class. Now that I know just what you think of me, there is no doubt in my mind that Bruce will begin to bring his homework in on time and pass all his exams with high scores. Yes, that irrational tongue-lashing you gave me before you hung up will ensure his success for the rest of the semester - no, the rest of the year!

I'm so glad that you called. It warms my heart to see a parent so devoted to their foul-mouthed, disobedient son. Furthermore, I am excited, because now I know I can look forward to 7 more months of intense communication between us as we monitor Bruce's academic growth and plan for his scholastic success.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. If there were more parents like you, they wouldn't even need teachers like me.